We are living in a time where a lot of things are considered love. It almost feels like the meaning of the word depreciates every day with different people giving different meanings to it. Sometimes we are even coerced to accept it the way it is, broken and all. Everyone knows someone who has experienced some sort of abuse all in the name of love. They have been manipulated into believing that is the best they can ever have so much that it plays a number on their psyche and even pushes them into second-guessing themselves. Well, guess what? You need to know that it is not your fault.
Abuse
A lot of times, we live in denial of the fact that we are actually being abused. See abuse can come in different forms. People could abuse your kindness or your loyalty or even your love, it includes a certain taking advantage of and even demeaning the value of something or someone. It can most definitely happen to anyone. Sometimes we miss it because we don’t want to believe that we’re capable of being abused. It has never been about your level of education or your race or skin color, abuse happens everywhere, every day. People say that when the purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable. This just sums it up. So, you need to consciously ask yourself what’s your purpose and stick with it.
You need to understand though that it is not your fault. Even though sometimes they make it seem like it’s you like you are to blame for their misfortunes or you are to be held responsible for the fact that it is not just working out. Do you see how taking responsibility is difficult for them? Naturally, an abuser thrives on throwing blames. It is a trick they have learned over time. They invalidate your feelings and make you feel like you are stupid. They are masters at mind games and they manipulate you into doing whatever they want. They make you question your own sanity and still somehow tell you it’s because they love you. Listen, this is not real love.
Love
Love and fear cannot go hand in hand because true love dispels all fear. You cannot love someone and have them live in fear of who you are or what you are capable of. If you have to walk on eggshells around them and just not know how to say things or express yourself to them, that does not love. If they keep you in a state that you always feel sorry for them at all times just to manipulate you better, that does not love. If you with all this beauty and fullness and purpose cannot be yourself around them, that does not love.
Move
You need to stand up. You need to find the courage to move on despite the pain and the hurt that it may have caused you. Granted that you just feel you may never be the same again but it all begins when you stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing yourself as a survivor. It may be very difficult to leave but listen to this story. Once upon a time, there was a man who went to visit his friend. They had been apart for many years so it was more of a catching up. So, the man gets to his friend’s and his friend decides to give him a tour of the house.
Halfway into the tour, the man hears something crying and asks his friend about it and his friend says “oh that’s just the dog, he’s sitting on a nail”. Now he proceeds to ask him why doesn’t the dog get up and move away from the nail and the friend replies “maybe it isn’t hurting him bad enough yet”. Most times in our lives when we’re in a spot that is giving us pain, we simply ignore and choose to go through that pain probably because it isn’t hurting us bad enough to want to leave. How bad does it have to be before you realize that you should get up and leave? Sometimes you never actually know the benefits of being a lone wolf until you try it out.
Yes, sometimes the abuser isn’t a bad person altogether but may just be hurt but you know what? It was never your responsibility to fix them. All you do is give them an opportunity to keep hurting you and this is unacceptable. So, pack your bags, take back the reins of your life and by all means move on.
