There’s an interesting adage that says “you have two eyes, two ears and one mouth for a reason, so use them in that ratio”. Often times, it is easy to talk and tell people about your dreams or your past or your likes and dislikes and generally about yourself but it is really more beneficial to listen to them. When you listen, you focus on the bigger picture and not on yourself. Here are some things you’d gain if you listen more.
• You are going to learn more. You definitely will not learn anything when talking about yourself. You’ll learn something new when you let other people do the talking.
• People will like you more when you listen more. Everyone wants an opportunity to talk about themselves and their dreams so letting them talk and listening genuinely gives them the chance to appreciate you more.
• Listening takes the pressure off you. Have you ever been on a table where everyone was making intelligent conversations and you literally had no idea or knowledge of the topic? All you have to do is listen. That way no one needs to know your status and no one will pressurize you into talking.
You might say you are a great listener from the above but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Listening isn’t two people interrupting themselves, it is about letting the other person finish his sentences before making yours. There are a few tips you could use to rate or improve your listening skills.
Gender Specific
People often say that women don’t want you to listen to them just to solve their problems but they want you to listen because they just want to vent, to be heard. Well, listening is not gender specific because everyone wants to be heard, most people do not want you to solve their problems. So everyone wants to be heard.
Clarification
After listening to someone, you need to get some level of clarity. So you could tell the person what you’ve heard and asked if it’s in line with what they said so you get clarity. This shows how deep you were listening to them.
Eye Contact
When you’re listening to someone, it is important that you make eye contact. It lets them know that you’re listening. Try not to look away or on your phone. Eye contact reassures them that you’re present with them at that moment.
Body Language
When listening to someone, you need to check your body language. It should be on par with your facial expression. If you’re feeling engrossed with the conversation, it should show on your face or make you lean in. Try not to come off as distant and uninterested by reason of your body language.
Interruption
Try as much as possible not to interrupt people when they’re talking. Let them finish before you err your views. When you interrupt, you’re saying that your thoughts or views are more important than theirs so they have to listen to you. For all you know, they may be looking to grow their brands or find solutions to conflicts so try not to interrupt.
Don’t Finish Sentences
When listening to people, it is important not to finish their sentences. Don’t go ahead of them. Don’t presume you know what they’re about to say. Let them vent after which you can talk about your opinions and solutions.
Acknowledgment
When they’re done talking, use acknowledgment sentences. Let them know they didn’t waste their time with you. Ask to follow up questions where necessary. Basically, just be in the moment with them.
Utilize Touch
This should be done where appropriate. You could high five them or touch their knee or hug them. This is however gendered specific and you’d need to survey the reaction to it. This makes them feel you’re listening and encourages them to go on.
There are also some questions you need to ask so you can rate if you’re being a good listener or not.
• Do I intend to do more of the talking than the other person ?
• What are my talking ratios ?
• Do I ask questions when I don’t understand what they’re saying ?
• Do I often times try to finish their conversations before they’re done ?
• Do I find yourself not paying attention when someone is speaking to me ?
• Can I tell the difference between what people say and how they feel ?
• Do I struggle with seeing things their own way ?
Everyone has some go to words and if you listen to them closely, you will learn those words and they could pave the way. People want to be listened to, to be connected with and to be acknowledged. If you find yourself doing all three, then you can say you’ve become a better listener.
