Marriage by definition is “legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”. This union between two people, which is historically and juristically between a man and a woman, serves as their public declaration of love with one another. But even with this agreement and emotional attachment of a couple, they still find it hard to keep their relationship intact. For this reason, many people, especially those who are single, are afraid of getting married. The big question now arises: “What’s the secret for a long-lasting marriage?”
Marriage then was a great bind of emotional contract of the past. Yet in today’s generation, it is somewhat a luxury, a hobby, a go-to trend that everyone wants to try for some meaningless reason that’s why when problem arise, it is as if the only way to solve their problems is to get divorce. No one wants to show compassion, understanding and love even if they have to do it to their love ones. They take too much attention to their pride. They are afraid in losing than letting their special ones win, somehow.
What’s the Key
A marriage Expert, John Gottman said that the most important factor for a happy marriage is “Attention, a small positive attention.” Honestly, who wouldn’t want any attention? It might not probably be the usual attention you get when you deliberately give a public speech, an attention from the onlookers when you walk around with your fancy dress or even the attention you get when you post something over the internet. This goes beyond that or probably a little less than that.
See when you give the ‘real attention’ to someone, it means that you wanted to show the essence of a special kind of love. You would want to reach out to show them that you care and you just want the best for them. It might be hard because we are living in a “me-first world” where selfish people surpass those selfless ones. We are living in the times where we unintentionally take each other for granted. Unfortunate isn’t it?
Just as the famous saying goes “We don’t know what we have until it’s gone”. We might tend to neglect the things, the little things that could mean most. There’s nothing wrong with giving the love of your life and your future or current partner the most expensive gucci bag and/or the most extravagant adventure in Paris as long as you can afford it of course. But remember that none of it compares to what you can give with no amount of money could buy: time and attention.
When you ask those who were now separated or divorced, the main reason their marriage did not work is the ‘constant divided attention’ of their partners within their relationship as if it is something to exist for a very long time and ‘it could wait’. They tend to prioritize their secular careers and give little to no importance of their relationship because of the mentality that “it could wait”. Little do they know that a simple greeting, good wish, and caring gesture are enough to make someone feel that they really belong. And you don’t have to give a huge amount of time and effort to do all of these.
Partnership plays a huge role
It’s true that argumentations and misunderstanding are somehow inevitable. However, no matter how hard life gets, you’d always choose to understand. “It’s about choosing to be kind instead of being right all the time”. In terms of goals, you may choose to include your partner there as well. You may give time to step back, relax, talk, and give the right amount of support that they need because this is what real partnership is all about. If it’s not, then what partnership do you have?
The thing is, it’s not just about an individual in a relationship. It will always be about the both of you, how you handle things together, do chores together, spend time with each other and thereof. You don’t need to be the only one exerting effort, so does your love one. Consider it as your obligation where attention and time must be exerted.
Choose to avoid the mentality of comparison where if it doesn’t work for others doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t work for you as well. Think of it as a manifestation of love not just for married couple but to your family and friends as well. The bottom line is, ‘it’s about the small things that matters the most’. If you would really want to work your relationship, it could and it would work. You could always meditate to these questions: “What’s wrong with being the little person for once? What’s wrong with showing humility especially to your love ones?”
You might now be thinking: ‘When would be a good time to apply all of this?’ The answer is right now! Now is the time to start. This is because in this world, there’d always be those who craves and hunger for constant love and attention. Remember that your partner chose you for a reason. They see something special in you that you may not be able to properly look for yourself. And now, it’s your time, your role to make them feel alive again and again until the end of times.
For you, do little things really matter in marriage?
